Notes From Real Housewives of New Jersey

Being married means that sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do. Tonight, that means watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Because…whatever. At some point I figured I’d pay attention and make some notes. these are those notes.

  • Someone is throwing a “first responders” party, so that’s nice, but I’m not sure anyone here actually knows what that means
  • Someone who looks like Rosie O’ Donnell is dressed as a sniper, which she think is someone who “snipes” peoples necks
  • The people on this show are the most Jersey I have ever seen anyone.
  • Race is no issue in this show because most people are orange
  • Some woman apparently is dressed as Catwoman if she we’re a cop
  • Some other woman is “SWAT” wearing ┬áthe traditional SWAT uniform of an extra small white tank top
  • Now there’s a girl fight that consist only of snapping fingers and holding (not pulling) hair
  • Oh wait, someone threw a wince glass…this is heating up
  • Some guy picked up his wife’s hair (or girlfriend, I don’t know) and saved it, because you can always use that later…oh, wait, now he’s just leaving it on the table with a bunch of dude’s who I guess were ignoring the fight
  • Everyone’s picking on some nerd
  • Oh…now there’s an hour long show recapping the show…

I don’t know if I can do this again.

If any babies ever go missing, I hope it’s these ones.

"Now that Dr.Dre is almost 50, I bet his garage is full of G Thangs that he rarely uses anymore."

@jeffunscripted

"Weird. I just got an email from Time Warner Cable saying CBS kidnapped my mother AND ate the ice cream I was saving for later."

@jeffunscripted

I love you Rihanna, but I think the general consensus is that you give lots of fucks all the time.

Remember when Cyclops joined Weezer?

Remember when Cyclops joined Weezer?

"I’m not a Royal baby. I’m royal, baby."

— Blue Ivy Carter